#Trending in the World of Mike: Maria Monti – Il Bestiario

Mike’s first review since sobering up!!! Mike this is yourself speaking. I don’t want to tell you how to do your job… but I couldn’t help but notice a few themes in yr most recent run of posts… the one that concerns me is the alcoholism you’ve been constantly bringing up since 18 April. I know… 18 days later, I have started the draft for my first sober post. Oookay, that’s a bit of a weird coincidence w/ the numbers let’s look up what this might mean. Google results for “18 numerology”:

The numerology of number 18 deals with humanitarianism, independence, and building something of lasting benefit. The underlying idea is the welfare of humanity.


Sounds a lot like my blog to be honest… my writing it is an endeavor of great nobility, really. They say a person born on the 18th of a month is accepting & kindhearted & works well w/ others… well I don’t mean to reveal even more personal info for the identity thieves & sickos out there but I was actually born on the 19th of a month? Google results for “19 numerology”:

The essence of 19 is self-determined, primarily focused on itself. While there is attention on the welfare of the human race, 19 determines for itself what should and should not be done for humanity.


So my birth number is the Elon Musk number… no joke, my username on Discogs was aynrandjuggalo1 up until just recently. I thought I was a comedic genius in 2015 but in 2020 I don’t feel comfortable having it anymore, so I changed it to something feminist & business is off the chain now!

I feel like I’m having flashbacks on the ol’ mind acid (definition of “mind acid”: the ineffable quality of a child’s mind that makes them childlike… a person’s mind acid gets less potent for many as they grow old)… all this talk of the numerological significance of 18 vs 19 is taking me back to my write-up of Robert Eggplant. The dual nature of man… imagine, if you will, a grayish blue duck that is very old & very wise, & he’s holding a scale w/ two chesspieces… one of them is a black knight, but with Ayn Rand’s head… and the other is a white knight but with the head of Karl Marx. That old grey duck has a name, & it’s the human condition. Crazy to think about, but true… true life, I spent months thinking God could talk to me through the NES ROM of Taboo: The Sixth Sense, a tarot reading app coded by Rare. So all this shit w/ numerology & the vision of the duck is very easy for me…

☝️ Okay, so all that shit was easy to say on Wednesday 6 May… just take it one day at a time Mike, you’ll get through this. That was the part of the review known as all the bullshit that has nothing to do w/ the record. Next step is the music review… I could attach all that cr*p above to a write-up of anything – it’s just the honor system that I didn’t change my mind on the subject of this post halfway through. I didn’t, I swear! Il Bestiario by Maria Monti is a record that arrived to me recently as a result of Unseen Worlds’ magnanimous pay-what-you-want sale, extending to quite a few of the more overlooked titles in their catalog… I’m not sure if it’s going on anymore. Il Bestiario is a reissue, originally released in 1974. I have full confidence in Unseen Worlds’ ability to curate avant-garde records of the past. I think the first one I snatched was Out of the Blue by “Blue” Gene Tyranny, which blew my mind… I’ve got Fifteen Saxophones by Dickie Landry on my watchlist over on Discogs, too.

A little bit of biographical info on this artist is that in the 1960s she was a cabaret singer… I don’t actually know what “cabaret singing” is supposed to sound like. Is it like this record? Wait a minute, I think there was an 80s synthpop group or something named “Cabaret Voltaire”… what’s the connection? I stopped listening to the record I’m currently writing up & switched on Voice of America by those folks… I was kinda into it, but as it turned out it had absolutely nothing to do w/ Maria Monti.

I’m flipping through the tracks on Voice of America right now… some of it kinda gives me the same vibe as This Heat, actually. I’ve never gone into a big “post-punk” phase, I was always more of a new waver. No wave’s cool too… if there’s one thing I can say about Voice of America by Cabaret Voltaire, it’s that is sounds NOTHING like Il Bestiario by Maria Monti. So I’m moving on now. Sorry for the detour.

I sold a friend on this record w/ the description “It’s just very pretty singing with arrangements.” I can now say, “It’s just very pretty singing with arrangements that sounds nothing like post-punk.” I haven’t read my write-up of Chiaroscuro by Jordan Nobles since publishing it, b/c I was embarrassed I connected it to alcoholism… but as I theorized there, all music, which is really just sound (I think the term “noise music” is a misnomer… it just sounds like “sound” to me), exists along a single axis… music that is “pretty”, & music that is “weird”. I’d say that this album is a little weird, but it’s not super weird. I’ve prided myself on the “no numbers” philosophy of Mike’s Blog up until this point, but I’m about to place this record on the spectrum…. 10 is impossibly weird & potentially unlistenable, & 0 is absolute prettiness, like… I don’t know, like In The Aeroplane Over The Sea is for some people who are in their 30s right now. Or Father John Misty inside his own mind. This record is a… two-point-three on the scale, I think.

2.3 on the Pretty-Weird Axis – Best Reissue – “EUREKA!”

This record was a pleasure to receive as I began to sober up. Some of what my word processor just spat out was about the music, so I’m switching back to autobiography… get this, fam, my psychiatrist is actually mandating that I get a sponsor thru Alcoholics Anonymous before he’ll continue to make changes to my prescriptions. I’ve got a few leads already, on a national scale… I was gonna follow up on the possibility of something local next week. I felt a lot of bogus stigma during the session with my psych, but I’m trying to spin it around into something positive… his guideline was to find someone w/ “10 years” experience in sobriety, & I think that person sounds interesting to meet. Just as long as they don’t suck me into any conversations about belief in God, which A.A. was explicitly founded on… listen, God is a “force”, & he can communicate through RNG in videogames, because computers are deterministic… Damn though, a HUMAN BEING had to write the code, though… this is shaking my hazily & ridiculously defined beliefs about a higher power to their core. I once asked someone in the grad program I’m in how he deals w/ bad coworkers, & he said he prays to be like Christ. I didn’t think it was horrible advice!

I wish I could say Il Bestiario by Maria Monti was the joyous sound inside my mind when I’m free from substance addiction… but honestly I’ve been getting more pumped up by the track “Leave Me Alone” by Kool Keith… I feel like I could be sober for 20 years listening to this… I have the mind of a psycho, & THAT’S what makes me high.

I recommend Il Bestiario w/ no remorse. With an utterly inhuman amt of cold calculation… it is beautiful music, & nothing else matters to me. Bandcamp link HERE. Direct-from-label HERE.

Good pump-up track for staying sober for 20 years.

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